Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
