Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
