glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
