I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
