Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
