Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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