Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
