My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
