I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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