Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
