what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
