Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
