Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
