I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
