Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
