Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
