she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
