Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
