I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
