I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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