Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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