You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
