I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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