I'm sorry my penis didn't work
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
