so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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