dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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