fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
