Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
