The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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