i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
