My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
