I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
