I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
