I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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