Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
