I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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