There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
