we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
