You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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