He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
