I can't breathe out the right side of my face
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
