Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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