I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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