His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
