if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
