I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
