In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
