i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Randomize
