The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
