god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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