So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
