you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
